Funny New Words and Other Humorous Items

The Style section of The Washington Post runs a weekly humor contest called the "Style Invitational." ( 
Each week is a new challenge. One of the most famous is neologisms create new words). 

The instructions: Alter any word by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter; then supply a new definition. 
Here are some winners:

Blabyrinth: the untraceable trail back to the person who started the rumor.

Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Belief that one will come back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone: The subs tance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter whenn they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Banalogy: a simile that is as dull as dishwater.

Cerealistic: knowing that there is no Chex in the mail.

Frostitute: a member of the world's coldest profession.

Theorethical: how you would behave if you knew you would not get caught.

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NEW DEFINITIONS: Alternate meanings to real words.

coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.

flabbergasted (adj.): appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.

willy-nilly (adj.): impotent.

negligent (adj.): absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.

gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.

flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.

testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.

rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

pokemon (n.): a Rastafarian proctologist.

oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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