The Style section of The Washington Post runs a weekly humor contest called the "Style Invitational." (www.washingtonpost.com)
Each week is a new challenge. One of the most famous is neologisms create new words).
The instructions: Alter any word by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter; then supply a new definition.
Here are some winners:
Blabyrinth: the untraceable trail back to the person who started the rumor.
Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Belief that one will come back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone: The subs tance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter whenn they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
Banalogy: a simile that is as dull as dishwater.
Cerealistic: knowing that there is no Chex in the mail.
Frostitute: a member of the world's coldest profession.
Theorethical: how you would behave if you knew you would not get caught.
# # #
NEW DEFINITIONS: Alternate meanings to real words.
coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.
flabbergasted (adj.): appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.
willy-nilly (adj.): impotent.
negligent (adj.): absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.
gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.
flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.
rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
pokemon (n.): a Rastafarian proctologist.
oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
No comments:
Post a Comment