Funny New Words and Other Humorous Items


The Style section of The Washington Post runs a weekly humor contest called the "Style Invitational." (www.washingtonpost.com) 
Each week is a new challenge. One of the most famous is neologisms create new words). 


The instructions: Alter any word by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter; then supply a new definition. 
Here are some winners:


Blabyrinth: the untraceable trail back to the person who started the rumor.


Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.


Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.


Reintarnation: Belief that one will come back to life as a hillbilly.


Bozone: The subs tance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.


Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.


Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.


Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.


Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.


Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.


Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.


Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.


Glibido: All talk and no action.


Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter whenn they come at you rapidly.


Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.


Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


Banalogy: a simile that is as dull as dishwater.


Cerealistic: knowing that there is no Chex in the mail.


Frostitute: a member of the world's coldest profession.


Theorethical: how you would behave if you knew you would not get caught.


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NEW DEFINITIONS: Alternate meanings to real words.


coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.


flabbergasted (adj.): appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.


abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.


willy-nilly (adj.): impotent.


negligent (adj.): absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.


lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.


gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.


flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.


balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.


testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.


rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.


pokemon (n.): a Rastafarian proctologist.


oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.


circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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