The Style section of The Washington Post runs a weekly humor contest called the "Style Invitational." (www.washingtonpost.com) Each week is a new challenge. One of the most famous is neologisms create new words). The instructions: Alter any word by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter; then supply a new definition. Here are some winners:
1. Blabyrinth: the untraceable trail back to the person who started the rumor.
2. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Belief that one will come back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The subs tance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
11 . Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter whenn they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter whenn they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
18. Banalogy: a simile that is as dull as dishwater.
19. Cerealistic: knowing that there is no Chex in the mail.
20. Frostitute: a member of the world's coldest profession.
21. Theorethical: how you would behave if you knew you would not get caught.
NEW DEFINITIONS: Alternate meanings to real words.
NEW DEFINITIONS: Alternate meanings to real words.
1. coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted (adj.): appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly (adj.): impotent.
6. negligent (adj.): absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon (n.): a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
2. flabbergasted (adj.): appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly (adj.): impotent.
6. negligent (adj.): absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon (n.): a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
1 comment:
From the Empress of The Style Invitational:
I hope you like the results of those two Style Invitational contests from 1998 (some of the entries on the list, though, aren't actually from the Invitational: "Caterpallor," for example, isn't a one-letter change from "caterpillar," and "decafalon" isn't close to "decathlon"!
But we're now in our 17th year of weekly contests, and you can see them every week online at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.
It's published every Saturday in The Washington Post's Style (features) section, and online every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time.
This week's results (Jan. 23, 2010) were for a contest to write your own homonym or homophone -- a new word that is pronounced just like an existing word -- and define it.
Some of this week's winners (from Week 849):
Ho-maid: The role of a traditional wife. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
Hi-deaf TV: Commercials. (Steve Offutt, Arlington, Va.)
S-Cargo: Snail Mail. (Don Hauptman, New York)
See dozens of others just like these at washingtonpost.com/style invitational (click on Week 853). I hope you become regular readers and perhaps even regular contestants. Just follow the direction for each week’s new contest.
Best, The Empress
Post a Comment